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He wants a threesome with a hooker |
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Dear Jane,
My self esteem is low and I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. He keeps trying to make me participate in sexual acts that I’m not interested in. Sex has been less than frequent over the last few years but he thinks the answer is getting another couple of girls in on the act.
In fact just two nights ago he hired a £1000 hooker with the intention of getting me involved at our home in my bed.
I don’t know what to do or where to turn, Jane. Please help
Madeleine
Dear Madeleine,
You do know what to do, Madeleine You just need to find the courage to do it.
Some women are OK with this sort of thing. Most aren’t. You’re not. You have low self-esteem and the fact that your boyfriend isn’t so keen on sex with you must be contributing to that. So how will watching him get all excited about another woman in front of you make you feel any better about yourself?
Your boyfriend may just want to act out a common male fantasy, treading roughshod over your feelings. But he may, in a clumsy way, be trying to address problems in your relationship. Your feeling bad about yourself, which must certainly be having a negative, draining effect, and the lack of sex.
Either way, this is a wakeup call. You need to leave him, or face up to the difficulties in your relationship, have a calm and serious talk with him, and work out ways of moving your life forward. You also need to ask yourself, to help make this decision, does he warm your life, make you feel good, support your values and goals? Or are you just clinging to him because you fear being alone?
Self-esteem grows from achievement. Write a CV (for your eyes only) of all the things you’ve succeeded at, coped with, achieved. When you feel down your mind goes to the negatives. But the positives will be there when you concentrate on finding them. Include the little things … maybe you were able to help a friend out, are a good cook. You have certainly kept a long relationship going in spite of the lack of sex … that means you must have other things to contribute.
Read this every morning. Remember all those times when you have felt good about yourself. Look for new sources of achievement … interests, studies, voluntary work (a powerful way of helping you feel good about yourself). Sort out your environment. Get a friend to give you an unbiased opinion about your clothes and hairstyle. Try some downloads aimed at boosting confidence and self-esteem --Hypnosis for Self Improvement -- listening to them regularly really does help your mind shift gear.
And as to the hooker … you know what you want to say, so say it. The word is NO.
Jane
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